Revealing my heart for you

I’ve been wanting to share what’s in my heart but you seem to be preoccupied with things.

I wanted you to know that I love you and this is not the love that only loves you back when you’ve done something for me although that gives a smile on my face, however, I love you because you are mine. You may think that I stop loving you when I don’t get anything out of our relationship but that’s not true, even if you just sit and do your things I already love you. It may be a lot to take, don’t worry we’ll have the time when I explain everything to you.

When you’re with me, I just want you to receive my love and be satisfied with it. I desire that you know me and my heart because it won’t just give you a better day but a better life. I already know what’s going on with your life but it gives me great joy when you start talking to me about stuff even if those were just “petty” stuff. I don’t want to make things difficult for you, I don’t want to interfere, i just want to be involved in your life. They say I’m jealous and I tell you that I am but let me explain what it’s all about. I want you to be in different relationships. You need those. You’ll grow with different people but I tell you that I can give you the best. What you have right now are examples of the expression of my love for you. I give you things even if you haven’t asked of it and I’m happy when I give stuff to you because it’s either you need it or you want it. I hope you don’t put me on the same level as others. I don’t seek to be the only one but I seek to be on top. When we’re together, I want to pour my heart to you and tell you how much I love you. I just want you to receive it, that’s it although lately I feel like you’re putting me on a checklist, I’m just one of your activities, it saddens me because there’s so much more that you’re missing out. I want to hug you tight because that’s how you understand my love. A hug back is not something that I expect from you but when you do, i am filled with joy. They can give you gifts but nothing can compare to the gift I gave you. I was thinking of you the whole time.

My desire is for you to be the woman that I want you to be. I have big dreams for you and I’m rooting for you each step that you make towards the goal. Don’t give up.

Oh and I love celebrating occasions especially your birthday. I’m already cooking something up even if it’s months away.

I know you. I know when you laugh or when you cry. They may fail you but I won’t.

I’m just here. I love you very much Gayle.

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-God

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Breaking In and Breaking Through

Last night I posted about my breakthrough. I can’t share the details because the person whom God used to bless us wants to remain anonymous. What I can share though is the reason I was/am happy is not really much of the answered prayer but my faith journey with God and with my prayer partners.

 

From the start, it was all about faith and till now it is still all about faith. There were times I was tempted to do things on my own and rely on the resources I have but everytime I was about to do it, I remembered to just pray for it. There were times that I was tempted to get bitter and frustrated about the circumstances but God reminded me to guard my heart and to continue to love no matter what the outcome is. I don’t want to force things.I already tried limiting everything just to maximize what I have but that wasn’t His plan. His plan was for us to remove the slave-mentality and remember that we are heirs. Image

 

During the annual prayer and fasting, it wasn’t even part of my top 5 faith goals but I talk about it to God. My focus wasn’t really to pray for my faith goals but to seek His will for me this year. I wrote it down to remind myself to thank God when it gets answered.

My prayer may not be astounding to some (although I don’t limit God in answering astounding prayer requests) but it was/is really something that I desire. There were a lot of hindrances and challenges but one by one it got out of the way. The real event hasn’t realized yet but I know that there’s no stopping for it to come to pass.

 

Is anything too hard for the Lord?- Genesis 18:4

 

This is about His story and not mine. My breakthrough wasn’t/isn’t about my performance in His kingdom although there were times that the situation requires me to say yes to God and no to sin. It wasn’t about how I fasted as well. It’s just really about Him. He is the same God whether the answer is yes, no, or wait.

I’m just so happy to be part of it. I’m happy that God knows me very much. I’m this grateful because all the credit goes to Him. Thank you Jesus!

Love Came Down

You loved me at my worst.

You pursued me when  I wasn’t even looking.

You in your perfect being became sin for me.

You didn’t wait till I responded perfectly before you showed your love for me.

Even in my conversion, You were still the one who caused my surrender and give my life to You.

You didn’t think twice of dying for me even if I am undeserving.

I’ve learned the real meaning of grace at the cross and I’m still learning it.

You paved the way for the restoration of my relationship to the Father and it didn’t stop there.

In my walk with you, You never failed. There may be times when I don’t understand what You’re doing but I can trust You.

You lavish me with Your love that leads me to repentance everyday.

You change me everyday for me to be more like You. Sometimes, it hurts when You’re pruning me but it reminds me that You are very personal and hands-on.

You have great plans for me and it’s not just for the life that I am to live on earth but transcending in eternity.

Thank You Jesus!

May You become greater; I must become less. – John 3:30

Designs and Relationships

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I am relational. I nurture  the relationships I have.

I am expressive. I say whay I mean and mean what I say. I believe that one of the greatest regrets is when people missed the opportunity of thanking, honoring, appreciating, complimenting, and loving someone.

I value communication. Part of how I nurture my relationship is through constant communication. It isn’t just about the updates of one’s life but being connected and involved.

I am a hugger. Since I was younger, I believed in the power of touch, that it can alter one’s mood. I love tight hugs.

I’m a kid at heart. Most people find me intimidating especially at work but my close friends know that I’m really not that serious.

I like to travel. I marvel on God’s creation. I also enjoy learning different culture and meeting different people.

I’m a thinker. I think about the past, present, future, reasons, people, motivations, desires. Sometimes, I even over-analyze.

I hate stereotypes. People can’t judge you just by what they see from the outside.

I still have a lot more to say about myself but that’s not the point. How I’m created and what I value affects the things I “expect” from people. The thing is, I’m unique and it’s difficult to find someone in this world who’s exactly like me thus I have to adjust to people who are different.

Most of the times, I find it challenging when people don’t value what I value like communication. During these times, patience is built. I go back to the idea that we are designed differently. I prefer for people to respond in a way that satisfy me however I can’t expect thay they will really do. When this happens, it is good to celebrate our differences and go back to God’s central message of love.

The bigger picture is I realize that the things that ticks me are also the things that I do to God. As I expect things from people,I realize that God also has expectations of me and I fail him a lot of times. I don’t respond at once, I have different priorities, I tend to wallow in my sorrows when there’s help readily available, etc. As I realize that God is a relational God, I know that He’s been very patient with me. He loves me so much that He continuously pursues me even if I’m not loving Him back all the time. He just lavishes His love hoping that one day, I will be commited as He is to me.

This is my prayer this year, that I may be fully aware of God’s love for me, how high, long, wide, and deep His love for me.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy  people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”- Ephesians 3:17-19

New Year, New Me

It is not about being the best versions of ourselves but being renewed, a total change from the inside out. It doesn’t just happen when a new season arrives but when Jesus changes us. Our desires change from selfish to selfless.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.– Romans 12:1-2

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Seasons and Lessons

 

 

ImageIn a few hours, we’ll see the end of another year. It is the time to look back and remind ourselves to cherish every memory, capture every moment, and count our blessings.

2013 wasn’t my banner year. Before the year ended, I was at a point of loss filled with so many tears. God brought me back to my knees when a certain event went against my favor. There were days when I wallowed in the sorrow it brought but not because of the result itself but certain consequences it came with it.

I knew that everything happens for a reason and God as a loving father allowed it to happen however when you’re wounded, you are in a very vulnerable position to hear all the lies of the enemy. This I am thankful for every person God has sent to remind me of my identity and my purpose. We really can’t make it in our spiritual walk alone, in our moments of weakness, we need to be surrounded with people who’ll remind us of the Truth. Writing my 2014 faith goals was also a challenge at first. I kept hearing the voices of how I’ve “performed” this year and if it were to be put on a scorecard, I guess I was just getting by. It was a revelation of grace and love that lead me to continuously hold on to His word and seek His face. The tears from the past few days were moments of repentance. I was like a child wanting to be comforted by her dad, wanting to sleep on his lap. I released all the pain, hurt, pride, fears, worries, anxieties, lies, and anything that comes from the enemy. I also asked God for answers on how I’ll be able to start 2014. I know I had a lot on my prayer list but I wanted to pray for the things He wanted for me so I prayed for wisdom. Here’s His response:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
    all who follow his precepts have good understanding.
    To him belongs eternal praise.– Psalm 111:10

 

It’s really about going back to Him. I am reminded to look at eternal perspectives in everything. It’s all about Him. When we put our trust on Him, we can be secured by  whatever the future may bring. We can trust the one who holds it.

Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
    they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news;
    their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
    in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.– Psalm 112:6-8

 

Truly, it is challenging to worship when we are in dark places but let’s still choose to worship. I am grateful to my Lord and Savior for being faithful even when I wasn’t. He didn’t give up on me. He was patient and He still is. I’m not yet a point where my fire is blazing hot but I’ll get there. For now, I can hope that whatever season I’m in, I’m not alone. He is for me and not against me. He will never forsake me.

Thank you Jesus for 2013! I’ve met new people, reconnected with friends and family, been to new places, believed for greater things, cried good and bad tears, experienced being closer to You, etc. In everything, You were there. I love You!

I’m ready for 2014.